Saying The Quiet Part Out Loud: Bad Habits Can Become Addicting In Retirement
Bad habits and downtime is a tough combination
This post may not be one of my most popular, but I do think it is one of my most important. Almost every workshop and coaching session I lead eventually turns to a discussion of concern about bad habits becoming more ingrained in retirement. And, it’s not just some wild imagination or unfounded anxiety run amok. It’s real. And it’s becoming more prevalent.
Trends in alcohol and substance use disorder
This is a trend that is not talked about much in open conversations, but I hear a lot behind closed doors. When you retire, every day becomes Friday and, if your friends aren’t retired, why not invite them to happy hour… every day? Or, worse, 3:00 feels just like 5:00 since you don’t have anything structured going on for the rest of the day. Bored tonight, nothing to do tomorrow… why not have a glass of wine or a martini to make the time go faster? And then 3:00 turns into 2:00 turns into 1:00… and a glass turns into a bottle. According to this Harvard Health article, “Alcohol use in older adults has been trending upward over the years, particularly among women. One epidemiologic survey determined that in the United States between 2001 and 2013, among people 65 and older, the rate of alcohol use disorder increased 107%.” And, unfortunately, the NCBI found that “The use of illicit drugs among older adults appears to be increasing. A study showed that the use of illicit drugs among adults age 50–59 almost doubled between 2002 and 2007 (5.1% to 9.4%).” Sadly, these habits can conspire to make your Third Act no so rockin’.
Trends in obesity
Substances aren’t the only habit that can get exacerbated when there is an abundance of time and a lack of structure. According to the American Nurses Association, “During the past 30 years, the proportion of older adults who are obese has doubled.” When that brownie called your name, but you were in a meeting, working on a project and generally occupied doing a million other things, it was easier to ignore than the siren song will be when there’s nothing else to drown it out. And if ice cream is your thing while you’re watching TV at night, and watching TV becomes a prevalent daytime exercise, ice cream may have a way of finding its way into most of your day.
Trends in binge watching
Speaking of TV making its way from an evening activity to an all day affair, binge watching and other sedentary activities also tend to increase dramatically with age. Again, it’s the NCBI that has uncovered a trend stating “Adults aged >65 years spent threefold more waking time watching TV than young adults.” Interestingly, they also found that “despite this trend, older people enjoyed TV less, in contrast to stable enjoyment with other leisure activities.” It probably has something to do with diminishing returns - but if there’s nothing else for your butt to do, it will sit there on the couch.
What may be driving the trends
There are probably a lot of contributing factors driving these rises in bad habits as you age. A lack of structure is certainly one of them, as is a newfound abundance of time. Interestingly, lower stress can also drive these bad habits because your brain interprets the low stress as boredom. A way to alleviate boredom is to stimulate the brain, whether through food, substances or binging on reruns of Friends. Unfortunately, once the upward trend starts it is extremely difficult to push it back down again in retirement, because you are creating your new habits. You run the risk of settling into these habits and creating ruts in your brain that are very hard to un-create.
What you can do about it before retirement
I’m going to give you some advice in these next two sections, but it comes only from my own experience, my interactions with folks on the path to retirement and what I’ve read. I’m not a professional and I don’t even claim to be an expert. If you feel like you need some help in this space, absolutely go to someone who has had training and can get you the help you need.
Before you retire, it can help a lot to put some guardrails and norms around your habit. Things like when and how much can be very helpful. Even if the when and how much are easy (like only watching TV after 5 because you really only have time to watch TV after 5) they can be something that your brain can focus on when your life opens up after retirement and they become not so easy. Even just being aware that these are bad habits and that putting guardrails in place is difficult can be helpful later so you don’t just go off the deep end without realizing it is even there. The earlier you start, the easier it will be in retirement.
What you can do about it after retirement
There is some good news, here. After retirement your stress level goes way down and your capacity to concentrate on something other than work and family opens way up. If you are aware that you may need some focus on these bad habits, you will have more mental space to focus on them. It doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it may be easier than it was when you were going a mile a minute earlier in your life.
After retirement you need to get real with yourself. How much are you willing to indulge your habit? Habits can be like teenagers. The more space you give them the more space they will take up. Once you let the reigns out, it’s tough to get them back in. Just realize that fact at 2:00 on Wednesday when that hammock and cold one are calling.
The most impactful thing you can do after retirement, though, is have a plan for your pillars! If you have a purpose, connections, wellness activities, a financial plan and more FUN than you know what to do with, those bad habits are going to find it much harder to grow to fill more space. You will have to rely less on willpower because you will be relying on the fruits of a full, fun, healthy, wonderful Third Act! Make new good habits instead of ingraining the bad ones. Sounds easy. From the conversations I have with people, it’s not easy - but it is imperative.
Get help if you need it
This newsletter may be a little less irreverent and flippant than some I have written. That’s because this stuff could be - in fact probably is - deadly serious. Start now. Things may get better in retirement as your life settles down and you get a handle on some things… but that will happen ONLY if you are aware of your bad habits and making a concerted effort to minimize the bad habits and maximize the good ones. Otherwise, the bad ones could take over and fill all of your newfound unstructured time. It might not be as easy as just giving it the old college try. Be firm with yourself and GET HELP if you need it.