Focus: Purpose - How Will You Define Yourself In Retirement?
Tools, tips and tricks to help you find your retirement identity
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I’m a Proud Grandfather and Fisherman
What's your "identity line" after retirement?
Photo by Cytonn Photography on Unsplash
If you’re like most people, when you introduce yourself to someone new, in that introductory conversation you identify yourself with your name and your job or purpose. And if you don’t tell people up front, you are usually asked “what do you do?” and out comes the identity line: “I’m an accountant” or “I’m a pilot” or "I’m the head of the PTA.” While it is true that after you retire you can still call yourself a retired dentist or a drummer, somehow that may not feel as authentic or interesting anymore. That’s going to be difficult for some of us. You’ve worked like crazy for that identity – put your blood, sweat and tears into it – and now, well, it may not fit as well as once it did.
I have a suggestion for you. Before you retire, think about how you want to tell people who you are after retirement. You could say “I’m a part time lawyer and part time writer” or “I’m a consultant with time to fly a kite” or “I’m retired and love to volunteer at the local animal shelter” or even “I’m retired and relaxing every day and I love it!” Whatever way you’re comfortable thinking about yourself – that’s how you should convey it to others. That’s what will make them comfortable, too. It will be awkward at first, so practice! That’s right, say it in your head. Say it to your wife, husband or significant other. Say it out loud. Say it over and over. Not only will it make it easier the first time you’re asked this after retirement, it may even help you lean in to this emerging identity.
Meaning beyond introductions
It’s not just for introductions that you should take some time to think about your identity in retirement. For some people their identity is critical for the meaning that they ascribe to their lives. When they wake up the morning after they retire and they don’t have a way to describe the meaning in their lives to themselves anymore, it can set them adrift. This is especially true for people who ascribe stature to their title, like C-suite execs, firefighters, doctors and maybe you. If this is you, take some extra time and really think about this exercise.
Bridge Identity
What if you don’t have something that comes to mind immediately? Well, that’s totally normal. There are a couple of different ways to go about thinking about your new identity. A Harvard Business Review study came to the conclusion that most people, when they retire, take some of their identity with them into retirement. They call this your “bridge” identity. You may have had a career as an accountant and you “bridge” that into volunteering to mentor entrepreneurs, for instance. Or you may have been great at leadership and now you lead a Boy Scout troupe. You can also leverage hobbies into your new identity, like taking a writing hobby and becoming a blogger. Another popular bridge is family. Maybe you identified as a great granddad, but didn’t have time to fully spoil those grandkids and now you do! Virtually anything that you think of yourself as being now, can become your bridge identity.
I recently retired and I think I did some of this bridging without even knowing it. My career was as a Financial Controller for a large corporation. How does that relate to retirement coaching? Well, the obvious bridge is that I’m pretty well versed in financial stuff, and that’s helpful for people coming up on retirement, but I think there’s more than that. I also got lots of accolades at work for being able to take complicated stuff and simplify it enough to make quick business decisions. In other words, I explained things to people. I do think of myself as an explainer and I guess that’s what I’m trying to do with this newsletter and coaching. Finally, as I was closing in on 50 and realizing I’d spent my entire life sitting on the couch and probably indulging myself a bit too much, I started on a wellness journey and I love it! My friends and family are starting to see that I spend more time on my wellness and I’m starting to identify that way as well. And, my friends, wellness is a big part of being vibrant in retirement, so I think I’m bridging that identity from my non-work life into my retirement encore.
Enough about me. How about you? What are you doing now that could be a bridge? Do you build? Lead? Empathize? Dote on your kids/grandkids? Love your RV? Belong to a motorcycle club? How could you take that identity into retirement?
Identity as an iterative process
The second way people find identity in retirement (and I think this is really EVERYBODY) is as an iterative process. In other words, pick something as your introduction, but don’t get married to it because it will change as you go through the transition process to retirement. The folks at Oxford University took a look at a lot of different studies and came to the conclusion that defining identity in retirement is very much a trial and error/success process as people transition from organizational control to personal agency. In fact, they found that people who were good at transitioning to personal agency at work (moving from step by step instruction or strong management supervision to being self-directed and finding satisfaction in being the driver of work solutions) were more comfortable and more successful with the retirement transition because they had gone through the iterative processes of trial and error/success throughout their careers. So don’t feel like you have to nail your identity today and never change it! Know that you will change it and just take your initial step and see how it goes.
Try it!
So, go ahead, try on a new identity! Practice introducing yourself as this new-ish you. Iterate and keep trying. One of these days, it will come as naturally as your current identity line. And I find the new identity lines are usually more interesting. Who would you rather be introduced to: Richard the dentist, or Richard, the guy who is looking for the most spectacular waterfall in the US?
Actions to Build Confidence
Tiny: Figure out an identity line and practice it in the mirror
Bold: List out the ways you identify yourself. You may feel like your job or status is your main identity, but if you look deeper you might find other things you identify with, like skills or hobbies or faith or relationships. Brainstorm all of them.
Audacious: Try on a new identity for size. Grab a side gig that emphasizes something else you are good at besides your job.
More Reading
Can’t get enough? Check out these resources to help you find your retirement identity.
Feel a little disoriented in retirement? Guess what? You’re normal! Check out the 5 stages of retirement. The fourth stage is reorientation, so help is right around the corner.
Don’t Retire. REWIRE! I love this book partly because of the author’s first name… but mostly because it’s a good read with practical steps on how to find your new-ish identity in your Third Act.
Next Week’s Focus: FUN!
We’re starting to see the pandemic in the rear view mirror! That means there are travel deals out the wazoo. What’s more FUN than a discounted (or free!) getaway?
Which newsletter was your favorite so far? Let me know in the comments or by replying to this email! If I know what you like, I can do more of that!